EXTENSION EXERCISE: If you notice that you are customizing, grab yourself and sit down with the unpleasant emotion. Don`t react immediately or try to distract yourself. Just let the feeling flood you. Then identify it: is it pain, embarrassment, shame, guilt, anger, regret, fear? Don`t judge the feeling, just allow it. As a result, it will dissolve faster. So tell yourself, “It`s not personal.” Whatever happens around you, don`t take it personally. Nothing others do is because of you. It`s because of himself. All people live in their own dream, in their own minds; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we assume that they know what is in our world and we try to impose our world on their world.
When I take things personally, I ask myself (painful) questions like: For the following week, be careful when you take things personally. How do you know this happens when most of them are subconscious? They are triggered. You will feel that inner sting or you will run away and want to hide. Even the opinions you have about yourself are not necessarily true; therefore, you don`t have to take everything you hear in your own head personally. Do not take anything personally, because by taking things personally, you are preparing to suffer for nothing. If we truly see others as they are without taking it personally, we can never be hurt by what they say or do. Even if others lie to you, that`s fine. They lie to you because they are afraid. Even if one situation seems so personal, even if others insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you. What they say, what they do and the opinions they give are based on the agreements they have in their own minds. If you take things personally, you make easy prey for these predators, the black magicians. They can easily tie you up with a small opinion and feed you the poison they want, and because you take it personally, you eat it.
The second agreement invites us to recognize that we all work from the perspective of our own unique experiences. My point of view is different from your point of view, and while we may share a variety of similarities and connections, your actions, thoughts, and words do not concern me. Anything a friend posts on IG, tells me over coffee or thinks about how I dress, for example, is NOT ABOUT ME. (Emphasize because it`s still quite difficult for me to achieve, and I guess I`m not alone.) When I take something personally, I center myself, use limited information to jump to conclusions, and ignore its experience and perspective. Also, I tell myself falsely. For example, your neighbor makes a comment about your child that you personalize immediately and feels like it`s a negative comment about your upbringing. Instead of looking deeper at what emotions and beliefs are hiding under this uncertainty, you just stop talking to him. I used to personalize all the time.
If someone asked me for my opinion and didn`t take it, I would get upset. At the time, I didn`t understand how a person with pain could continue to do what was detrimental to their emotional health. That`s because I didn`t see myself very well either. I didn`t see how giving advice kept me disconnected from others and emotionally distant. Of course, I`m not perfect, so when I start customizing, I grab it pretty quickly and remember it`s not about me. I have no idea what`s wrong with them, so once I connect with them, I`m able to let it go. That said, if you`re befriending someone whose words or actions hurt you, it`s healthy to set boundaries, set boundaries, and honor yourself. You can experience great feelings, and these are all real and valid. Feeling hurt doesn`t mean taking something personally. However, in the healing process, it will be important to practice this agreement and reassure yourself that the person`s actions were not about you and/or your worth. Don`t take anything personally.
This is the second chord of Don Miguel Ruiz`s classic “The Four Chords”. I need a memory today. So I open his book on this chapter and read: The second chord simply says: Don`t take anything personally. Write it down first and paste it somewhere where you will see it every day: do not take anything personally. There is a huge amount of freedom that comes to you when you don`t take anything personally. You become immune to the black mages, and no spell can affect you, no matter how strong it is. The whole world can chat about you, and if you don`t take it personally, you`re immune. Someone can intentionally send emotional poison, and if you don`t take it personally, you won`t eat it. If you do not take the emotional poison, it gets worse in the sender, but not in you. Look for shame, embarrassment or anger – these are good clues. They are not specific to personalization, but often connected. It can be an email you receive, or a comment that someone makes them feel ignored, misunderstood, not accepted, etc.
In case of insecure retention, personalization usually occurs frequently. Let`s think about it. Your reality is simply this: YOUR reality. Your reality is YOUR reality. This is a huge distinction, and emotional acceptance goes a long way in understanding personalization. It is also the key to a healthy relationship. Now, go through each scenario and list three possible reasons for the action. It doesn`t matter if they are true or not. The goal is to distract you from attention and open yourself up to other possibilities. Using the first example above, you could write: I also took it personally when someone made plans and then broke the date. I assumed it was about me because I thought they had found something better (have you ever done that?).
Of course, it had nothing to do with me, but I was stuck in my reality and I didn`t take INTO account YOUR reality. Personalization has been weighing on me for a long time, but now I don`t worry about what others are doing or why they`re doing it. most of the time! If you get into the habit of not taking anything personally, you don`t have to trust what others do or say. You just need to trust yourself to make responsible decisions. You are never responsible for the actions of others; They are solely responsible for you. If you truly understand this and refuse to take things personally, you can hardly be hurt by the negligent comments or actions of others. Thank you for sharing! And yes, isn`t it amazing how much your perspective changes when you stop taking others personally? He did it for me too. I love, I love, I love how I am less likely to personalize someone else`s mood and melody. AND I believe that Ruiz`s teachings on depersonalization can help us live with a greater sense of peace. It is possible to understand that we share collective energy, and we can all work on personal healing that will contribute to collective healing.
Some of my favorite points to remember from this agreement: “Don`t eat other people`s emotional garbage! Stop inflicting unnecessary suffering on me. -Choose to always follow my audition. Write them down in your journal without comment or judgment. Again, it`s just about increasing your self-confidence. Use simple bullet points, note what happened and how you customized. Again, you can choose to do this at the end of your day, starting in the morning when you think about the day before or when it happens. For example: perfectionism and personalization go hand in hand. If you`re still trying to do something “wrong,” ANY perceived criticism will unbalance you. You will think that their answer concerns you. This is how you hang on, with a limited perspective on what is possible.
It`s also a way to emotionally distance yourself from others. This agreement is so difficult for me. I have always considered myself strong and confident, authentic and confident. Recently, when I was really trying to get out of my head and realized how scared I was of disappointing someone. I try to show people what they want in me by just being the parts of me that I think they accept and approve well, hiding the true self. This is clearly because I take almost everything personally. It`s telling to be able to see that. and yet I don`t know how to change it.
How can I just think I`m good enough or even wonderful? And if it were me, wouldn`t others see it? I feel like when I tell myself that I`m just inventing things – another of my mental tricks. I want to feel good, but I really don`t know how. Not really. I used to think that I could PROVE it to others and especially to myself by running marathons, doing my PhD, having the “perfect” life (marriage, children, career, travel, etc.), being a loyal and caring friend helping the less fortunate. basically, trying to be perfect. It`s not working. I still think I`m not worth it, I feel like a scammer, I`m afraid of being a disappointment for everyone. .